He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
