Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
