woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Fuck appropriateness.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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