I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
