Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
