I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
