He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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