conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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