Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
