Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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