I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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