are you still at the devil's house?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
