quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I stole a fireplace last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
