Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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