I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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