Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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