I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
