i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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