i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
