i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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