so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
