I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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