she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
