So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My bed smells like the plague
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
