We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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