took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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