I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
