I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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