one might say we're banned from that church
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
