i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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