i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
