Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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