is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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