It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The air taste purple.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
