I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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