The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize