my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
