I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
