I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
