God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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