Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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