i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
