if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
