I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
