Jerry, you need to find god
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
