WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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