accomplished twins. life is a go
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
