nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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