If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
