i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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