she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
