So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thank you for not boning my boss.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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