Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
