Welp...herpes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
