All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think your dad took our porno
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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