I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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