i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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