Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
