: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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