it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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