I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
