he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
