hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize