i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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