that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
