I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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