There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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