be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize