She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
