ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
