I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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