if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
