id be glad to
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
